Brexit: it’s the vote that exposed a nation’s differences.
Ever since the hair’s-breadth decision for Britain to leave the EU was announced in the early hours of the 24th of June, things have been fraught.
Remainers have accused leavers of causing a global financial crisis, and leavers have been calling remainers a spineless bunch of euro-toadies.
This ill feeling is especially serious where members of the 48% belong to the same family, or are in a close relationship with, members of the 52%.
Here at Loose Ends we like to spread peace and harmony, so we humbly offer our quick guide to holding on to the warm fuzzies when you and your loved ones are on different sides of the post-brexit divide.
We think Ban-Ki Moon would be proud of us.
Don’t keep asking whether your friend or family member is suffering from voter’s remorse.
It’s statistically unlikely: less than 7% of leavers and 3% of remainers are experiencing ‘bregret’.
And let’s face it, even if your nearest and dearest do have regrets, they probably wouldn’t want to tell you when you’re being so smug.
Spend more time together.
Absence can make the heart grow fonder, but it also creates the perfect conditions for world-class sulking.
Don’t avoid your intimates just because you hold different views on the EU.
Why not use the Loose Ends app to arrange a night out?
Better make it a good old British meal, though, just to be on the safe side.
Chicken tikka masala, pad thai or lasagne should do it.
Find common ground.
If the EU divides you, you need to get creative and start looking for subjects you can agree on.
One of the best bonding exercises of all is that of mutually slagging off a common enemy.
In Britain, Donald Trump and Vladimir Putin are fairly safe candidates, but if you must stay on topic you can always fall back on Nigel Farage.
Admit that you could be wrong.
The workings of the EU and the technicalities of economics are hugely complicated.
Can you really put your hand on your heart and say that you fully understand all the consequences of your vote?
Heal the rift between you and your differently-voting pals by coming right out and admitting that you may have been wrong.
Just don’t let on that you’ve got your fingers crossed behind your back when you say it.
Look for a mature, mutually acceptable way to settle your differences.
We suggest rock, scissors, paper (best of three, of course).
Or, if you’re up for something more war-like, a staring duel will do.
He or she who blinks first is a health-and-safety obsessed, banana-curve-measuring sissy.
Global financial markets may be tanking, and Boris Johnson is in charge of MI6, but these aren’t catastrophes worth sacrificing your social life for.
If you voted to remain in the EU, remember that the union was founded to end conflict, so it’s only right and proper for you to abide by this principle.
If you voted to leave, we urge you to uphold the traditional British behavioural standard of muttering darkly under your breath while smiling brightly and never complaining outright.
Like we said before, Ban-Ki Moon would be proud.